What to write for online condolences
Writing online condolences can be tricky. Explore options for what to write and how to express your sympathy.
How do people express condolences to the loved ones of a person who died? Traditionally, one way would be via a condolence book. This is a physical book where you can write messages of condolence.
Today, however, many people choose online condolences instead. This can take two forms. The first is a digital book of condolences. This is sometimes hosted by the funeral home and sometimes by the loved ones.
The second place where people express condolences online is on social media. This could be on the
memorialised account of the person who died or in a specially made group.
These are new ways to express condolences, and many people feel unsure about the etiquette. On top of this, it can often be difficult to know what to say. People worry about saying too much or too little.
Nevertheless, online condolences have many advantages. They give you time to think about your message. They often give you the chance to upload pictures. And they're international, meaning people from all over the world can post a message or comment.
Grief and condolences are personal. There's no right or wrong way to write an online condolence. You may, however, find yourself tongue-tied. We hope this article helps you write an online condolence that feels true to you and to the person who died.
Expressing sympathy
The main purpose of an online condolence is to express sympathy. Before you write your message, however, it can be worth reflecting on your relationship with the person who died.
If you were close, you've probably already given condolences in person or via a personal message. This means you can keep the message short and sweet.
If you weren't so close, bear in mind that your message may be one of many. This means loved ones will have a lot to read at a difficult time. For this reason, it can be best to keep your message on the short side.
Sometimes, you just need a simple sentence. Cliches are there for a reason. Something like "I'm sorry for your loss" makes the point quickly and clearly.
You might, however, want to send a longer message. This could involve showing appreciation for the person who died, mentioning the loved ones, sharing a memory, or some combination of the three.
Showing appreciation
Funerals, condolences and other forms of remembrance often include appreciation for the person who died. This can give comfort to the family by focusing on the positives of the person's life.
If you want to show appreciation for the person who died, you could say how grateful you are to have known them. You could say you were honoured to be their friend, colleague or relative.
You could also highlight something you found impressive about them. Were they a loving parent or a loyal friend? Did they have a passion, talent or hobby?
Adding a detail like this can give comfort to grieving relatives and loved ones. But as with expressing sympathy, it's best to keep messages on the shorter side and focus mostly on the person who died and their family.
Mentioning loved ones
Condolences are there to celebrate a person's life. They're also there to comfort loved ones.
You could do this by acknowledging what a difficult time it must be for them. You could mention people by name or refer to the family as a whole.
You could also acknowledge that words are inadequate to express what they must be going through. Putting the focus on their experience can give comfort and show care.
Sharing a memory
Sometimes, a condolence can include a memory of the person who died. This could be a memory of their personality or something you did together.
There's no recipe for getting it right. However, most people would agree it's best to put the person who died first. Try not to make yourself the centre of the story.
Signing off
If you keep the message short, you probably won't need a sign-off. A longer message, however, could end with something like "With deepest sympathy", "You're in our/my prayers", or "Thinking of you".
On social media
Condolences on social media are different from other online condolences because people can "react" to your message, comment on it and share it. You can do the same to other people's posts.
Reactions and comments can be supportive. As with other online condolences, take care not to say too much. You should also choose your "reaction" carefully. Some people may find a "thumbs up" (👍) inappropriate.
Things to keep in mind
One advantage of online condolences is that you can take your time writing them. Read back what you have written. Is it clear? Are there spelling mistakes? Is it too long? Could you express it better?
Another thing to keep in mind is that everyone has their own experience of grief. You should avoid saying that your grief is greater than someone else's (even if it's true!)
Whatever the platform, it's widely accepted that the immediate family should post first.
A condolence is like any other communication – a text, a letter or a phone call. Keep the person you're speaking to in mind. Do they have time for a long message? Will your message give them comfort at a difficult time?
What if I don't want to share a condolence online?
You may not want to share a condolence online. This could be because you don't want your message to be public or you're not comfortable using the internet.
If that's the case, there's no issue. You can send a text, e-card, letter or sympathy card instead. If you don't have the address you need, send your card or letter to the funeral home instead.
Treasured Moments creates bespoke memorial websites that work like beautiful
online condolence cards. Why not take five minutes to
learn a bit more about what we do? We're always happy to answer questions, too – just
drop us a message when you're ready.
